Friday, February 3, 2012

Don't Know Where To Start!

I don't even know where to start today. After having a revelation, the idea of starting a blog to reach other women who struggle with issues of insecurity, starting a new bible study, deciding last minute to go on the women's retreat, and some other things, I feel spiritually dried out today. I feel tired!  I don't know where to start today, other than to complain because I'm frustrated that I'm still in my robe, not having accomplished anything but drinking a diet pepsi (at 8:30 a.m. no less. Shameful!) and completing a health assessment for insurance-which, as an aside, I will have to to be weighed for and as soon as I saw that I felt anxious!  It's silly to feel anxious over the prospect of being weighed at the doctors office sometime in the near future, but I felt that ugly feeling of dread and anxiety come over me. I don't want to get dressed right now because I feel bloated (thanks to you, diet pepsi), and I don't like it when my pants feel tight. Last night I was feeling good, today, back to square one. I need to be filled by the Holy Spirit so these things don't bother me, or at least when they do, I know where to turn, because they will all day unless I have His strength to fill my weakness.  1 Corinthians 12:9 would be the perfect place to start looking for fulfillment in an otherwise empty world, to fill an otherwise empty heart today.

9But He said to me, My grace (My favor and loving-kindness and mercy) is enough for you [sufficient against any danger and enables you to bear the trouble manfully]; for My strength and power are made perfect (fulfilled and completed) and [a]show themselves most effective in [your] weakness. Therefore, I will all the more gladly glory in my weaknesses and infirmities, that the strength and power of Christ (the Messiah) may rest (yes, may [b]pitch a tent over and dwell) upon me!

I pray that God will fill me with His strength, as I feel completely wiped out.  I pray for His grace and mercy because I am continuing to struggle with this weight issue, and it's all consuming. I think about it more than anything else, and I know that's not healthy. I don't feel like sitting here and spending time with Him, but he continues to remind me of my sacrifice, right now being time, and how important it is to Him, to our relationship, that I give Him back some of what He have given to me. I want my day to go smoothly, and the only way to accomplish that is to offer it to Him, so He can fill it in and make it glorious.

 How can I do that today? Honor Him with my time, my body, my mind, my day? I need His help to concentrate, to keep me creative and beautiful, focused on what I need to do to care for my family and myself, and how I can give glory to Him through it all. I want to be fit for being His daughter, the apple of His eye, the royal crown jewel in His kingdom. What can I do?

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