I went up to the track to walk while my son played basketball on the courts below. During his practice, some parents stay to watch, so I felt a little self-conscious up there all by myself. I was having a hard time getting my heart rate up to what I felt was satisfactory, so I decided to go for a light jog. I was watching my handsome husband as he sat below, hoping he was thinking I was hot. Or at least kinda pretty. He was paying me no attention whatsoever, so I let my hair down. In my mind, I was one of those beautiful Brooke Burke-types who look as beautiful working out as they do just existing. I look down. He's still chatting it up with his co-worker, so I take off my long sleeve top (no worries, I had on my workout top!!). Still nothing. During all this jogging, though, I also started remembering how much I hate jogging. About the time I had jogged, oh, 4 or 5 laps, I was ready to stop trying to be so cool. I felt so insecure, however, that I didn't want to just stop running. What's a girl to do? Well, desperate time call for desperate measures. I may have acted like my foot was hurt and I couldn't possibly run on it, of course! Walking? Not an issue! In my defense, I do have to be careful because I had a stress fracture in that foot. (really, what would you do???)
The only reason I shame myself by telling this little adventure is to show an example of how silly insecurity can make us look when we are trying so hard to look quite the opposite! There is no way that my husband could possibly fill up that hole in my soul that is crying out for attention and security. It's a God-shaped hole that only He can fill, and besides, it's not my husbands job (or anyone else's job for that matter) to totally affirm me daily. Can you imagine how exhausting it would be to have to be the one to totally affirm someone else DAILY? Of course, I want him to think I'm cute, I hope most people do, but to look to others to affirm that in me is a mistake, and a costly one. They simply can't keep up, it's too much pressure to place on someone. And besides, all of humanity can be extremely fickle. What if that one person you're depending on to fill you up (say its your best friend ever, who really does think you are beautiful) is having a bad day herself? What is SHE needs YOU to fill her up?
The ONLY one we should be looking to for our affirmation, security and confidence is God-and God alone. He's the One who made us, and He's the One who will fill us, all we have to do is ask. You can count on that!
Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in Him, for He shields him all day long, and the one the Lord loves rests between His shoulders (Deuteronomy 33:12)