My Refuge and My Fortress
1 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.
2 I will say[a] to the LORD, “My refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust.”
3 For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler
and from the deadly pestilence.
4 He will cover you with his pinions,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness is a shield and buckler.
5 You will not fear the terror of the night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
6 nor the pestilence that stalks in darkness,
nor the destruction that wastes at noonday.
7 A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.
8 You will only look with your eyes
and see the recompense of the wicked.
9 Because you have made the LORD your dwelling place—
the Most High, who is my refuge[b]—
10 no evil shall be allowed to befall you,
no plague come near your tent.
11 For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways.
12 On their hands they will bear you up,
lest you strike your foot against a stone.
13 You will tread on the lion and the adder;
the young lion and the serpent you will trample underfoot.
14 “Because he holds fast to me in love, I will deliver him;
I will protect him, because he knows my name.
15 When he calls to me, I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble;
I will rescue him and honor him.
16 With long life I will satisfy him
and show him my salvation.”
As I read Psalms 91, I am again reminded of how much God absolutely loves and protects me, and I feel like I can breath a sigh of relief. Sometimes I feel like I've been holding my breath, and I don't even know how long I've been doing it. Verse 11 is the verse that caught my attention at first. Although my head is reading and saying, oh, good, finally some solace in an unpredictable and scary world, my heart has a hard time catching up. I want to believe, and I'm choosing to believe, but I still have questions like "am I really protected from all evil?". I have to chastise myself and tell myself that in the whole big picture, on the whole earth, there is no person or thing I can trust in, no group or community. Nothing except Gods Word, which is the holiest item I have and one of the only ways I have to really understand what he's trying to get across to me. So when I read it in Gods Word...comparing it to everything in the entire world, and that's a lot of stuff-then I must believe that it is so.
In reality, I really do need to breath easier and enjoy life. Isn't that what Jesus promised in John 10:10? He says "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." It doesnt say anything about an easy life, but an abundant life is mine in Christ, so why do I continue to stand in my own way? I'm in a sense contributing to my own misery, but fighting it all the same, and it's enough to leave a girl exhausted at the end of the day. I want my eyes opened to the beauty that I possess, and I'm not talking about the physical kind. I'm talking about the kind that only Christ can bring, that shines through even on my most hormonal days. The kind that can never be taken away, the kind where I find my security. Jesus is called Yahweh Tsuri, The Lord My Rock, for several reasons, and one of them is because I can build my trust on Him. He is secure, and I don't have to worry about Him deciding to move or change His mind about me.
I want Gods truth to eclipse every other emotion and false security I depend so heavily on so that I can clearly see the treasure that I already have in me. Then I will be able to see that I am His treasure, and His beauty will rest on me (Isaiah 62:3 You shall be a crown of beauty in the hand of the LORD, and a royal diadem in the hand of your God).
It is now time for bed and my mind is totally reeling from-who else-Beth Moore. To say that she is incredibly gifted is an understatement. Anyway, the topic was the inheritance we will receive from God, but she got into living, really living, life, which has been a subject I have also been drawn to quite a bit lately. She said that in order to abundantly live life and stop being bored, we have to let go and let God, that we get in the way of living life abundantly because we are squeezing every ounce of control out. How did she word it...? She said something like "you can't have a wild ride if you're the one driving" (presumably because you always know where you are going). I don't have a clue what that looks like in my life, but it really got me thinking. I've talked about losing control, and how scary that is. But is the fact that I constantly try to control my own life down to every bite, every minute,standing in my way?
Also, it's been rolling around in my head all night about how much I crave (or think about) God versus how much I crave being thin and pretty. It's a pretty staggering difference if I'm completely honest with myself. But is it right? Well, it says pretty simply to have no god before God, and if I'm thinking about it that much, then it must be pretty far up there on my list of "Priorities and Worries List". To really crave God, and time with God, more than I crave being thin and pretty would be a very significant change. How does one go about changing that? For starters, I think I need to meditate on the Word more so that I have Scripture in my head if I start. I also need a trigger, something that says my mind is headed in the wrong direction. How much should I crave God? Putting food in front of Him is certainly not what I expected of myself, but it's how I am.