Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Anxious Thoughts

I have decided to extend the book giveaway one more day, so get your comments in :)

This morning, as I went through my morning routine, I had a feeling of general
anxiety. Nothing that I could specifically pinpoint had happened, as it was only
6:15 AM, but I just felt...restless. Apprehensive. Even a little uneasy.

The feeling stayed with me even as I sat down to do my quiet time, so I felt
distracted and unfocused. Before I go any further, let me be clear about one
thing: this is a very familiar feeling to me, so I didn't really think too much
about it, even though I don't like feeling that way. Sometimes the things I do
don't make any sense to me. Instead of dealing right away with how I was
feeling, I tried to ignore it, walk around it, pretend it wasn't there. How that
helps anything at all I will never understand. Anyway!  My son came to me and
said he didn't feel good. Oh, no! This means I will have to make a definitive
decision
, which is impossible when one is as anxiety-ridden as I am some days. 
I gave my husband several plaintive looks, trying to get him to say something
like "Maybe he should stay home", but all he did was shrug at me. Not helpful.
So I made the decision to let him stay home and sleep, figuring that would help
him feel better. After discussing with my husband, I still questioned my
decision. Why??

I tried to go about my day, unloading the dishwasher and loading laundry, but it
was bugging me to the point that I had to do something to clear my mind. I
finally sat down to unload on the the One who can take it. I got a sheet of
paper, labeled it "Anxious Thoughts", and let the words spill out onto the page.
You know what? I was anxious about a whole lot more than just letting my son
stay home for the morning! Here's just a few from my list:

Eating
Being far from God
Drinking enough water (I'll just insert here--I'm sorry, but what?? That's just
silly. Anyhow, moving on...)
Not getting it all done
Being tired
Exercise
Not enjoying life
Having no laughter or joy
My kids safety
Church
Kids spiritual learning

Aha. I felt like I had stumbled upon something. I wasn't processing things that
were really worrying me (i.e. not enjoying life, my kids safety), so I was
focusing on silly stuff like drinking enough water (don't roll your eyes, I
vowed only to tell the truth here, embarrassing or not). And to think, all
those thoughts had rolled through my head before 8:00!

So, taking it a step further, I went down my list and, stopping at each one,
gave it to God. Some of them I explained, some I didn't. Some I am scared to
give to Him, some I am relieved to give up, but I gave each one to Him, because
His shoulders are big enough to bear it all (do not be anxious about anything,
but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests
be made known to God, Philippians 4:6
). I will probably have to give them up
again tomorrow, but for today, my mind is free from those anxious thoughts. 
Freedom is priceless!

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