Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Strength

I have been tired lately. Do you ever just feel that way? Where the stress of daily life has made you weary beyond description? It's almost as if I'm physically tired, but my very soul has been made weary, which has an enervated effect on my mind. Why am I so weak?

I think it's because I have not been searching the Lord for my strength. I do acknowledge in my head that my strength should come from Him; however, I tend to try to medicate myself before asking Him for strength. One day I will consider water the culprit, so I try to drink more. A few days later I might think not eating enough healthy foods is the problem, so I change my diet. Other considerations follow: vitamins, exercise, quiet time for just me, sunshine, talking to my sister...I'm sure I could come up with more.  I've assumed that I'm lacking in each of these things, which could contribute to my feelings of fatigue and my occasional lackadaisical attitude.

I've tried to pinpoint exactly what makes me feel this way and then solve it so I can move on and never feel tired again.

You know what I think my true issues are? Worry. Anxiety. Unforgiveness, bitterness, envy. Anger. Allowing stress to enter into my quiet time so I end up searching for causes of fatigue online instead.  We all acknowledge the toll stress can take, but do we acknowledge the One who can really take it away? There are days when worry wins. And it's worry that will completely gnaw a hole in my soul to the point that I am weary beyond anything I've ever known. So what do I worry about? The ones I have talked about the most--gaining weight.  Appearance. A few I haven't: My kids. Safety. Friendships. My husband. Finances. Time management. Keeping it all together. Cleaning the house. And on and on I go around this insane merry-go-round. I need the strength to get off.

This morning, I gathered an arsenal of weaponry. I got myself every verse I could on strength from the Lord.  I'm memorizing one verse to meditate on all day.  When war is being waged and the battleground is your soul, it's the only way to fight.

**I'll gladly share my list with anyone who wants it! Please message me and I'll send it to you.

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