Here I am.
In the dark. With no power. But still here!
Thank goodness for in-laws who are willing to take us in. Don't know how we could ever repay them, but it would have to be BIG!
I have spent much time over the last couple of days stumbling around in the rooms in my house, absentmindedly flipping on lights that don't work, and feeling around in cabinets for things I think I must have. Like today, I was feeling around in the laundry room, hoping to the Lord that no big gross spider that likes the dark was in there waiting to take a bite of me, looking for the bleach. I needed it to clean out my refrigerator, the freezer, and the toilets (when you have a well, and the power goes out, then you can't flush. That's all I'll say bout that.).
As I was feeling around in the cabinet, I was pondering how blessed we actually are. I do my fair share of complaining, but when I stop for even 2 seconds to think about it, I am so thankful it's just my power that's out. Some people, in some countries, somewhere in the world, don't have power. They don't have food. They don't have clean water. They don't have hope. I'm so thankful that, while this power outage is inconvenient, that it is just that--an inconvenience.
I was also thinking about how helpful the light is. It helps me see things clearly. It lights my steps so I know where it's safe to place my foot. I often take the light for granted, because the sun has never, ever failed to rise in the morning, and power outages don't happen all that often. In the dark, it becomes so very obvious how much I need the light.
And I don't just need the light in my house. I need the Light of the world in my whole life. Without Him, I am in perpetual darkness, with blinders on my eyes, with no ability to see my circumstances clearly. I stumble through life, absentmindedly flipping on the same light switches I know don't work, repeating the same mistakes time and time again. When I open my eyes to His glory, the blinders are taken off and I am able to have a new perspective; I'm able to see my circumstances from a new point-of-view. Isaiah 35 describes it like this: "..they will see the glory of the Lord, the splendor of our God... Then will the eyes of the blind be opened and the ears of the deaf unstopped" (verses 2,5). I love those moments when I'm suddenly aware of a new idea (a small aside: have you seen the movie Despicable Me? This reminds me of when Gru is sitting there and he gets an idea and he goes, "Light. Bulb." Click here to see it. Those of you with kids will probably know exactly what I'm talking about...).
Sometimes, even though I ask God to light my steps and lead me, I still don't feel like I know exactly where I'm going. It's very frustrating, because I feel like that if God would just tell me what to do and what to expect, then it would be so much easier on everyone involved (including Him...just sayin'). I know I can trust Him to guide me (Your Word is a light for my feet, a lamp on my path. Psalm 119:105), so why do I get so frustrated when I can't seem to understand what the next step is? Sometimes I blame myself for not listening; more often I blame Him for not telling. I've heard Beth Moore talk about it a couple of times; she calls it getting "only enough light for the step I'm on". While I might be disheartened when it seems like I'm not getting any direction, His Word gently counsels me in Deuteronomy 31:8 that "[t]he LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged”, and Joshua 1 says something similar (Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”).
There's the light for the step I'm on that I don't feel like I'm seeing any light: Do not be discouraged! The Lord is with me wherever I go. A-ha! So since the Christ is the light of the world (When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life" John 8:12), then my steps can never be in the dark because He is always with me! I don't need to be discouraged, I don't need to be frustrated. He has a plan for me (For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11), so at the times I most feel like I need to move, I should probably just sit back and be patient.
I love it when things like this come together in my mind. It's like finding that missing puzzle piece that starts to make the whole puzzle make more sense.
Thanks for searching for it with me :)