Thursday, August 23, 2012

Truely Me

Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4

This is the Psalm I came across yesterday morning as I was doing my morning devotion. It gave me reason to pause and contemplate. I know what my desires of the moment are: maybe different decor in the living room, some new white so chic {wink} cargo sweatpants to replace the ones I ruined in the dryer (see I Can't post here ), or a cleaner house. But the desires of my heart? I don't really even know what those are. That goes a little deeper than just asking myself "What do I want?". Figuring out the desires of my heart means I actually need to know myself a little better than I do.

Maybe we all go through this "I don't know who I really am" stage. I think I've taken it even further, because I don't know who I really want to be, and I don't even really know what I want. Somehow, when I was younger, I had it in my head that all I wanted was a nice house, a husband, kids, a nice car...tangible evidence of a successful life. But is that enough? I never imagined in my younger years that I would struggle with depression, anxiety or insecurity like I have. And I never considered  peace or joy as something that would be valuable in my life.

Now, as I evaluate my life, I see that although a place to lay my head at night, a husband, kids and a nice car really are good and pleasurable things to have, those things haven't provided me with a sense of who I am. I am figuring out that God is the One who made me, so He is the One who ultimately knows who I am. As I'm trying to make sense of it all, new questions keep popping in my head: What am I passionate about? What is my purpose? What are the truest desires of my heart?

Believe me, I don't have all the answers...yet {ha! and double ha! When do we ever have all the answers??). But I do know that the first step to figuring out who I am and what the desires of my heart are is to go to Him. Ask Him. Take the time to read Scripture, pray, and get to know Him. And in the process, I'll be transformed into His likeness, and the true me will have a chance to emerge as the outside facade I've built to cover my insecurities crumbles away.

No comments:

Post a Comment