Thursday, September 13, 2012

Like A Tree Planted By Streams of Water

Blessed is the one...whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and who meditates on his law day and night. That person is like a tree planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither—
whatever they do prospers. Psalm 1: 1-3

The other day, I was going through my closet and trying on some clothes that I haven't worn in a while. I selected a pair of pants and, preparing myself for the worst, slipped them on. Well, almost on, seeing as how they didn't go above my new, slightly rounder bum. I could feel a scowl coming on, even though I knew that they wouldn't fit before I tried them on (I really don't even know why I tried them on, other than to chastise myself for having gained a little weight at the beginning of the year). As I tried on yet another pair of pants (with no luck. Those didn't want to go above the bum, either. Blast!), I at least had enough sense about myself to decide that I had a decision to make. I could be totally miserable for the rest of the day or I could, well, not.

And I hate being miserable, especially over a silly pair of pants (or two pair, as it were).

I guess it was hard for me because I, at one time not too long ago, fit perfectly in those pants, and in my mind, I was happy at that time. But was it because of the pants? Probably not. I think I just choose remember things differently than they really were at the time (just as an aside, my grandmother does this, and it drives me slightly bonkers because I know that things were not all roses and rainbows like she makes it out to be. But I digress...).

So, back to making that choice. First, I thought through how I feel generally, day to day, because I couldn't trust my emotions in the moment. And you know what? Even though I am heavier than I was when I wore those pants...I am happy! As I recall, one of the things that would stress me out at the time I was thin enough to wear those pants was the fear that one day I wouldn't be thin enough to wear those pants. And here I am, standing tall and happy, having trusted God enough to begin conquering one of my fears.

The thing is, I wouldn't be standing firm on the other side of my proverbial fence if I hadn't gone out on a limb and trusted God. I knew (even then) I didn't want to be miserable for the rest of my life because of my weight, and after some time spent searching for stable ground, I found it in Him.

I've found that when I trust Him that, even if some of my fears do come true, He is strong enough to handle my "stuff". And, when I'm rooted in His love, I will flourish like never before (even when I was thin enough to wear THE pants).

So, am I totally elated to have to give my pants away? Not really. But I know that it isn't really about the pants, anyway. It's about finding my confidence in Him, and not in the unstable and shifting sand of weight and appearance.

Besides, now I get to go shopping. ;)

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