Me: I think I'm going to return my shirt.
Dear Husband: OK. If you want to.
Me: Well, really, I mean, I don't think the color is right for me.
Me: So, look at this. (I proceed to hold the new shirt up against my face and wait for his reaction.)
DH: I really think it looks fine.
Me: Really? Compared to this?? (I then proceed to hold up a dress that is an approved color for me and wait for his reaction.)
DH: (At this point, getting slightly annoyed at my insistence, and probably wondering what I really am looking for him to say. What is he supposed to say at this point? That one shirt actually looks bad? He is totally stuck, and he graciously said the right thing. Hopefully it was his true opinion.) I don't think that either color looks bad.
And off to work he went, while I spent several more minutes laboring over my decision: Return? Not return? Does this color make me look washed out?
And then a new thought: Why do I still operate under the assumption that beauty is only skin deep?
While I do try to wear colors that flatter my complexion (just as an aside, I recently had this conversation with my hairdresser, and we are in agreement that I can never go gray because gray does not flatter my complexion.), but I'm not sure that it's worth all the brain power I put into figuring out all the colors that are just right. Somewhere (a place that I have yet to discover, but am trying really hard to get there), there is this thing called BALANCE, but so far it evades me. So for now, I corner my husband and demand that he tell me the truth. As long as it's flattering.
Finding my security in Christ is important to me; otherwise, I live like a beggar, asking for money in the form of compliments to fill my soul. The problem is, those compliments will never completely satisfy what it is I'm truly looking for: confidence and security. There is only one place that those things can be found, and while I've spend much of my time and energy looking for an alternative, I'm discovering (over and over again, because I have yet to stop trying so hard and just rest in Him) that my security in Christ is everlasting. He gives me what no compliment could ever accomplish: a lasting confidence.
So the next time I see you out and about, do me a favor: go ahead and give me a compliment (because what girl wouldn't want one?). And I'll give you one, too. But be assured that I won't put all the pressure on you to fill my soul with confidence. He's filling it with the finest form of flattery that there is.
"...for the Lord will be your confidence
and will keep your foot from being caught."