I'm linking up with Lisa-Jo Baker over at Lisa-Jo Baker: tales from a gypsy mama for Five Minute Friday! The rules are simple: no editing, backtracking or overthinking. And the biggest rule: no worrying about getting it right!
Today's prompt is:
How can one be afraid, but not afraid, and all at the same time? It makes no sense. But this is the vortex in which I find myself, spinning with no direction, and yet discovering that direction and peace are found in the midst of the chaos.
I desperately want to stand out, be different, have a spark, a glow, that special sparkle that marks a truly beautiful person, one who loves God and isn't afraid to stand up for what she believes in. But. I'm desperately afraid to be myself, to be comfortable in my own skin, to just let go, to trust God completely without looking back.
And the What-ifs take over.
What if something bad happens? What if I gain weight? What if I don't measure up? What if I don't present myself in the way that I want to? What if I'm lonely? What if I'm sad? What if I can't deal? What if one of my kids takes a path of life that I'm not prepared for? What if, what if, what if...
And then the answer comes, a still, small voice, one I have to close my eyes tightly and open my ears to hear, but it comes: Do not be afraid. I am your shield, your very great reward (Gen. 15:1). Do not be afraid; God has heard the boy crying as he lies there (Gen 21:17). Do not be afraid, for I am with you (Gen. 26:24). So then, don’t be afraid. I will provide for you and your children (Gen. 50:21)...
And I know...I do not have to be afraid.