Monday, February 4, 2013

Sitting here trying to concentrate with children in the house isn't the easiest thing in the world.

So I'll begin with what's really on my mind.


Oh. MY. Did you see the kids from Newtown singing "America the Beautiful" before the Super Bowl started? I was so moved, sitting there wondering if any of those children on TV were witness to the devastation that happened inside their own school.  And THEN! Did you see the Budweiser commercial with the Clydesdale horse who recognizes his owner?


Tears.

Yes, real tears brimming in my eyes over a fake human/horse relationship. Luckily, I had on my glasses and was tangled up in a ball of blankets and children, so my tears went unnoticed, but really. I had to take a few minutes to compose myself.

In other news.

Last week someone commented on the size of my derriere. After recovering from my bewilderment, I joked about it and moved on. OK, so I tried. There was a very valiant effort made on my part to try to get past the fact that A) someone commented on the size of my posterior and B) that there was a chance that they could be correct in their assessment of it's size.

When I got home, I changed out of my workout clothes and put on my jeans, and I thought to myself Is it, in fact, possible for my tush to have grown since the last time I wore these jeans????

 


After a few minutes of internal name calling, some remorse over the food choices I make, and some self-reproach, I realized that my internal dialogue was only making me feel worse, not better (and who wants to feel worse after they've been told they have a big ole booty?).

Standing in my closet, feeling bad, I started making faces at myself in the mirror. (Do not tell anyone that I do this, I don't know why I do. It only makes me feel worse because the faces are so ugly.) But as I was looking in the mirror, I noticed the verse I have taped to the wall, just for times such as these: Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. {philippians 4:6-7}

Those anxious, depressed feelings over appearance, those feeling of defeat and loss of control...I don't need them, and I don't want them. It was only appropriate for me to give all those ugly feelings to God, and let His peace guard my heart and my mind. After some wrestling over how exactly one goes about actually giving their feelings to God, I said a prayer, told Him I was done, and asked Him to take them, and asked Him for His peace.

I'm not anxious about the size of my round rump anymore. That doesn't mean that I won't ever be anxious again, but for today, I'm drinking in the one thing that no one and no thing can offer:

Peace.

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