About five minutes ago, I had a choice: paint my nails (which look dreadful) this cool new charcoal gray magnetic nail polish (Kim K. has been seen wearing some of a similar color, and I have a secret obsession with the K fam)...or blog.
I must admit that the blogging only squeaked by for the finish. My nails really need to be painted. And I kinda want to look like Kim K., but that's another story for another day.
I decided last year that I would read the entire Bible all the way through. I have, for all of my life, taken what other people have said about the Bible for fact, whether that be through Bible study, church, or other books. I have never, ever, ever had the desire to read the Bible to figure it out for myself until now. While some, or maybe even most of what I've read or heard about the Bible has come from trustworthy sources, I want to be able to determine for myself what I think about it.
I am decidedly not getting what I bargained for.
The Bible is full of questionable activities, and it's not simple.
I think I'm going to need some serious counseling from my pastor before its all said and done.
Besides all the begats and begats, the story is actually pretty interesting. I can't pronounce half the names (although I did discover the name Asher, which is a name I really like and plan to name something Asher someday), nor can I pronounce the cities these people are from. They are bizarr-o, no offense to the Bible.
The thing I cannot wrap my head around is actually God Himself. It is entirely possible that I'm not meant to wrap my head around Him at all, but I still do try. All these questions keep running around in my head (which I am writing down, with a little attitude behind each question--I don't know why, or what exactly I'm hoping to try to prove). Why did God say this? and Why did He do that? and I'm sorry, but this is a little wacky and Are you serious? run through my head each time I pick up my Bible to read it (by the way, I'm towards the end of Deuteronomy). I actually started coming up with imaginary conversations in my head where I brilliantly outsmarted whoever I talked to about this with my clever and discerning questions.
A few days ago the question started floating around in my head: What do you really believe?
My life is based on my faith and my belief in God.
Once I decided the answer to that question, the other questions didn't have quite as much attitude behind them. I honestly do think that people should read it and find out for themselves, no matter how many years you've gone to church or how many Beth Moore bible studies you've done. You could argue that the questions I have and the specifics do matter, and I wouldn't disagree, but they won't detemine the answer to that question about belief anymore.
I believe in God. I have lots of questions. I don't have many answers. Sometimes I have doubt. But I believe in God.