Thursday, March 21, 2013

Moving On

Lonely.

That's what I was feeling last night. Just lonely. Which makes me feel a tiny bit sad, too. Usually when I feel this way, I quickly find something else to occupy my focus, but nothing seemed to do the trick last night. My kids and husband were involved in other activities. And there I was. Poor, poor me.



Sometimes when I feel sad or lonely, I eat something sweet. Not much, just something to cheer me up. It momentarily makes me forget about feeling emotions. Sometimes I grab the iPad and play stupid games, or check my email for the thousandth time, or check to see how many views my blog has had. Anything to make me forget about feeling the way I feel. I guess there is a fear somewhere inside that if I face my sadness or lonliness or whatever, it will overwhelm me and crush me.

I'm currently reading about a new way to deal with unwelcome emotions: face them (go figure). Sigh. I wish there was another way, but there are only so many pieces of candy or silly games that will cover up what I don't want to face.

So last night, instead of going for the candy drawer or the computer, I asked myself two questions:

How do I feel? Lonely.

What does it feel like? Emptiness, a swirly mist in my head, sad. The colors gray and blue.

Once I had identified how I felt, I didn't feel the need to numb the feeling by eating or sitting in front of the computer or tv. Even though my mind (at times my worst enemy) sometimes goes overboard with a medley of "No one likes me anymore" and "I have no friends", I realized there is hope beyond how I was feeling last night. It didn't crush me. I was strong. I am strong. God is my strength. We've got this.

Dealing with my emotion from the get-go, even when it's an emotion that I don't want to face, gives me the freedom to own it and then move on. And that is so much better than stuffing myself full when I'm not hungry or spacing out in front of the tv.  It gives me the ability to actually enjoy life, even with all it's inevitable ups and downs.

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