Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Letting Go

"All you have to do is let go and fall back."

I looked at my instructor dubiously from my perch on the rock wall.

"I actually had to fail someone because they couldn't make the fall," he warned.

Just let go and fall back. I knew the harness would catch me...but my mind kept coming up with excuses and what-ifs. What if there is something wrong with the harness? What if it's meant to work but has a glitch? What if I fall flat on my back and break every bone in my body?

My heart was beating rapidly. The guy was looking at me expectantly, waiting to either pass or fail me.

I'm scared of heights! I wanted to yell.

One might question the wisdom of climbing a rock wall when they are scared of heights.

It looks fun from the ground...

God sometimes asks me to do the same thing. To just let go and fall back. He assures that He will catch me, but I look at him with suspicion in my eyes. Does He really mean that He'll catch me? What if I fall? What if it's meant to work but His system has a glitch? What if He fails me?

I'm scared!! I want to scream at Him. Surely He'll understand if I don't let go because of my white-knuckle fear.

His gentle nudging continues. Let go and fall back. My arms are full of grace and mercy. I am your Savior, I am what you need, I am your safety and your protection. I can be your harness. 

I will catch you.

I can look around all day, but I'll remain stuck on the wall if I can't trust Him enough to just let go.

Let go.

Easy to say. Hard to do.

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In one fell swoop, I decided to go for it. Took a deep breath. I let go. I fell back.

My heart was beating out of my chest, my knuckles were still white, and my breath was caught in my throat.

And my harness caught me.

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