Listening to those songs brought back so many memories of junior high and high school, when hanging out with my friends and figuring out how to tease my bangs just a little bit higher were of utmost importance.
During that time, my self-confidence was shakey. I wanted to look better, be taller (or shorter, depending on the day), have better hair, better skin, tanner legs, shorter skirts, better clothes, a funnier personality...in one word, I just wanted to be cool. More than anything. And I was willing to make compromises to be cool. Like avoiding friends who might affect my "cool factor". Or being ashamed that I went to church, or knew anything about the Bible. Or refusing to wear clothes my mom bought me because they weren't the cool brand (I sooo wanted a pair of Guess jeans--actually, I sooo wanted to be Claudia Schiffer, the coolest of cool Guess models). I never allowed myself to think about how my actions affected my friends, my parents, my sister, or anyone else around me. I only thought of one person--ME.
I didn't want to realize it at the time, but making compromises to who I was came with a price. It always catches up to you at some point, and while I've changed over time, I was reminded once again just how self-centered I was as I allowed those memories to wash over me while we listened to those songs one YouTube. With all the good memories came some ones I'm ashamed of, and I wish I could go back and tell that high school girl that one day, high school won't matter, but your integrity, the stuff you're made of--that will.
Living a life that comes with regrets may be the way we think it has to be--after all, everyone makes mistakes.
I haven't righted every single wrong I did as a teenager and young adult, but I have been washed white as snow by my Savior. My "I'm sorry" may be too little, too late for some, but I can change the way I act today so I'm living out what I believe instead of continuing the cycle of selfishness. It doesn't always happen for me. Some days I want to be selfish, I want to be catered to, I want to make compromises to who I am so I will be "cool". And some days, I don't win the fight (although some may debate if I actually do succeed in being very, very cool). But I do know one thing: at the end of the day, I can look up and ask for forgiveness. I can begin new each and every morning, and while it goes against the grain of what is popular today, I can remember this:
It's actually not all about me.