Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Midweek Confessions

I spent the early part of this afternoon doing one Back to School shopping, and if that weren't torture enough, I spend the latter part of the afternoon vacuuming dead stink bugs (and various other dead bugs) off my front and back porches. I am:

A) OVER back to school shopping. It was very exciting when my kids were in early elementary. Look!! At all the new notebooks! Look!! New bookbags! And lunch boxes! And erasers and pencils and folders!! However! Over time, I have learned that when my children's teachers require new notebooks, it usually means that said notebooks will come home at the end of the year with between one and possibly ten pages used out of it, but does this mean that I can reuse the notebook (or folder, or what have you) the following year? Nope. Because it is almost guaranteed that the new teacher will require one red, one yellow and one blue notebook, and I have one orange, one purple and one green at home. At some point, I will have enough partially-used notebooks to fully supply my children for the remainder of their school career. 

I mean really. And no, the kindle isn't part of the school supply list, although it would make my son's day if it were. See #D. 

B) OVER outside work. Luckily for me, this afternoon I felt a raindrop on my head, therefore I was forced to retreat indoors. Unluckily for me, the weeds will continue their Rapid Regrowth Project anyway, which will aggravate and disturb me to no end. And in case you didn't know this, dead stinkbugs stink just as much as alive stink bugs, especially when you are vacuuming large quantities up due to the fact that you leave your front lights on all night long (I have remedied that situation, though). Because I was using a shopvac, and it forces air out the back of it at what I consider to be a high rate of, well, forcefulness, I could smell those nasty bugs the whole time I was vacuuming. Leaving me to wonder this: why those stupid bugs even exist. They are useless bugs who offer no function to society, and if there is something else in the food chain who is snacking on these creatures, I would suggest trying to lower the population of flies, gnats and mosquitoes that were flying dangerously close to my head today. Not only was I vacuuming up bugs, but I also discovered that birds have been leaving deposits all over my front porch due to the fact that they have discovered some prime real estate to build on, right on my very own front porch. I do not appreciate this very much, as it will take a pressure washer to remove that, and I was not in the mood to pressure wash today. (There actually is no good day to pressure wash ones front porch). And please don't come up with some "All Gods creatures are beautiful" or some such nonsense because I think we all know that God is actually the only one who thinks that. The Blobfish, for example, happens to be an extremely unattractive creature. Seriously. Look him up. H-O-M-E-L-Y. 

C) OVER Disney and their little Teen Beach musicals and their little Geek Charming movies. Not only is the acting subpar, but the content, which is aimed directly at my kids and their peers, is questionable, with their little "I know what boys like" songs and their little "Sun! Surf! Sand! It's a bikini wonderland!" lyrics. No, thank you Disney, you sneaky scoundrel, you bĂȘte noir, you heel. You have gotten "Cruisin' for a Bruisin'" stuck in my head for the last time. Not only have my innocent children recorded your cute little musical so they can watch it over and over while they sit like catatonic robots on the couch, but they have now asked for the soundtrack. The fact of the matter ismy daughter at an impressionable age and has already hinted at body image issues, and my son doesn't need to be thinking about a bikini wonderland! And what does that even mean, anyway?

And I will close with a final rant: I am D) OVER computers, iPads, electronics and the like.  First this: my computer has a virus, which will cost around $150 and some change to fix. Ugh. And this: if it were up to my son, he would face a screen and play some sort of game all the livelong day, and my daughter would be content to watch TV (see above). And maybe I would be content checking FaceBook and online shopping all day long (not really). But the point is, the weather is gorgeous, the skies are blue, the sun is shining, and instead of riding their bikes, they (we) want to sit and be entertained by things that don't actually exist

(But I don't think I could actually give up my electronics.)


**I'm linking up with E over at, but can't include the link because I'm writing this on a tablet app. See #D. Again. 

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