Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Love Is

"We're so busy during the week that we try to keep the weekend for family time, but the weekend is when people want to do stuff."

We were having a conversation about having a designated family night, like a Pizza/Movie Night, and how important things like that are, but it was her last comment that stuck with me.

People want to do stuff?

One of my biggest insecurities, and it is a long-standing one, is that people do not like me. I can't stand it when I sense that they don't, and I immediately want to know why. Am I annoying? Do I talk too fast? Do I smell? Because my hairdresser says I shouldn't wash my hair every night, and I use dry shampoo, but sometimes I wonder...

I mean, I am an adult, and friendship issues shouldn't exist when you're an adult, right? Right? I should be secure enough in who I am to not worry about whether or not everyone else got together to go shopping (or go to lunch, or whatever) and I wasn't included.

At least that's what I tell myself. While I'm shopping. Alone. Again.

It's a lonely feeling, to feel like you could possibly be the one that everyone is really nice to but never wants to include in their other group of friends. To be the one that does the inviting but doesn't get a return invitation. To be the one that hosts but rarely gets hosted. It's easy to feel put upon, left out, and defeated.

Except that I don't think it's always true. I think that many people feel this way, that we're all busy, and it's easy to get caught up in the day-to-day.

Sure, maybe I do annoy some people. I don't like every single person I meet, and I guess I can't expect every single person I meet to like me. (Although they really should. Wink, wink.) I'm a lovable person (or so my sister says, and I'm just gonna go with it), and I am kind and caring and semi-thoughtful. Most of the time.

And while I have been taught for my entire existence to be all those things, I have been called above all to love others (Galatians 5:14). Period. I couldn't find any of the exceptions that I make up in my head, like Love your neighbor only if they love you back, or Love your neighbor only if they invite you to lunch. Or coffee, that will do, or Love your neighbor if they are just like you, or Love your neighbor if they don't make you mad.

(Regrettably, I tend toward being somewhat easily offended. I'm working on it.)

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects,
always trusts,
always hopes,
always perseveres.
{1 corinthians 13:4-7}

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