Thursday, August 1, 2013

Trust Me

We try to set our lives up so everything will be fine even if God doesn't come through
{Francis Chan, Crazy Love}

Trust. 

I worry. I don't trust. 

I fret. I control. I get anxious and stressed and I wake up at night with crazy thoughts overwhelming my mind. 

But I don't trust. 

I don't know how to trust. It's not like I can flip a switch and suddenly say "Aahhh...now I trust You."

The Bible says I should trust. Books say I should trust. Speakers and pastors and bible study leaders say I should trust. That its an integral part of any relationship, especially the one I have with God. 

I want to trust. 

It would make life so much easier. 

I wish there was a 3-step program, or directions or a manual or something that I could use that would tell me how to go from where I am to where I can trust. (Oh. That must be the Bible.) But the Bible is something that I don't always get, that sometimes the words get stuck in that swirly space that exists just over my head. I think I need a broken-down, simplified, direct version. Kind of like the directions Larry had in the movie Night at the Museum:
1. Throw the bone.
2. Lock up the lions or they will eat you.

Life has had it's disappointments, times when I truly didn't feel like God was going to come through for me. (I think it may have had something to do with me and choosing not to listen.). There have been times when He has seemed far, far away, concerned with things like keeping the sunrise on schedule and not letting the Earth get too close to the sun, or famine and war and hate. Important things. Not things like dealing with letting my mom go, or understanding that marriage is a thousand times harder than I thought it would be, or being sad because my kids are growing up too fast. 

To just let go? And trust whatever He has planned for me? I've heard it will be far better than anything I could have planned for myself, but the very thought seems a little...crazy. Irresponsible. Rash. But then again, those words could easily characterize my life before I met God, and I can say that that life wasn't working out quite so well. 

But I don't know how to truly let go. My life today is planned and organized, as well thought-out as we can make it and covered by savings plans, 401-Ks and insurance. What does it look like to truly let go? How does this change my day-to-day life?

Well, today, I decided to try to let go, but not being in control makes me grumpy and uncomfortable. I think it means having to be amiable when I don't want to, and think nice thoughts when all I'm thinking are mean ones. And my grumpy literally took over, and I wasn't super-duper pleasant to a fellow human who deserved nothing less than my nicest. 

I mean, really? Should it be that hard?

Lysa TerKeurst suggests that the more we say yes to God, the more we will live in expectation of seeing Him. The more we expect to see Him, the more we will. And the more we experience Him, the more we will trust Him. It all starts with denying the pull of the world and saying yes to Gods daily invitation to remain in Him. (Check out the devotion at proverbs31.org).

No. That doesn't seem very hard. Of course, it is probably easier read here than actually done, but I've got to begin somewhere. 

Like with saying yes. 

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