Monday, October 7, 2013

Messed Up

"If man is made in God's image...Then God is deeply messed up."
{from the movie Syriana, 2005}

How do you respond to that?

I started writing a blog in 2012 with the intention of talking about my insecurities, which, as you know, revolve largely around my appearance. I wanted to open up communication and cross the lines that divide gender, race and religion. I had hoped that being part of a community of people would help ease some of the angst I felt and help me get over my insecurity for good. At first, it was a one-way street--just me, telling you about how I felt.

But then you started to respond. 

It's a touchy subject. I've grown (more) comfortable talking about it. Some of us haven't. But what I found out when the talk became a dialogue instead of my monologue is I am not alone. I thought that at first. That I was alone. That everyone else had it together except for me. But when you started opening up about how you felt, I found out that we all have insecurities that seem insurmountable, fear and worries that keep us up at night, anxieties that bind our minds and paralyze our hearts and doubts that hurt our confidence.

Hurts. Doubts. Insecurity. Fear. Worry. Anxiety. Depression. Frustration. Discord.

It does seem messed up. But that doesn't mean that He is.

You turn things upside down, as if the potter were thought to be like the clay!
Shall what is formed say to the one who formed it, “You did not make me”?
Can the pot say to the potter, “You know nothing”?
{isaiah 29:16}

I'm looking for a safe place, a place that I can lay down my doubts, my fears, my worries and my anxieties. I'm looking for something that I can hold onto so that I don't have to worry so much about losing my youth, gray hair, cellulite dimples, stretch marks, wrinkles, or a  number on a scale. I searched any number of avenues for fulfillment, love, significance, contentment, peace, and happiness. And when it seemed I had run out of options, I found Him waiting patiently for me.

My safe spot.

It's not up to me to question God or His plan for this world. It is up to me to have faith and to trust Him.

Woe to those who quarrel with their Maker...
Does the clay say to the potter, ‘What are you making?’
Does your work say, ‘The potter has no hands’?
{isaiah 45:9}

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