Friday, November 22, 2013

Martini-Induced Chattiness Will Lead to No Good

Last night I got to go to a dinner supporting our local Boys and Girls Club. Some of the Club Kids performed (it was AWE-SOME!!), an inspirational speaker spoke, and I got to spend some time with my husband--and 306 other people, but really, you have to grab time when you can.

Somewhere in the middle of the dinner, I had to go to the ladies room--like really bad. My bladder was about to burst. But there was a speaker (several speakers, actually) and it felt rude to just get up and walk out, so I waited.

And waited.

And when the dinner was over, I made a beeline for that bathroom. Right behind me was a friend who apparently had the same dilemma during dinner. And when I came out of the restroom and faced the sink to wash my hands, I could see that she was behind me using the other set of sinks. Her back was turned to me, but there was no one else in the bathroom, so I said 'Ahh, I feel so much better.'

Now before I go on with this story, you must understand one thing about me. I'm a borderline introvert, someone who is fairly uncomfortable in large settings where I don't know anyone and who is not apt to say things such as 'Ahh, I feel so much better' in public restrooms. But last night there was an open bar, and I had one little martini. I don't drink liquor, like, ever, so an innocent little (tasty) martini turns me into a Chatty Kathy, which is fine unless you are Chatty Kathy in a public restroom.

So I say 'Ahh, I feel so much better' to my friend Michelle who is washing her hands at the row of sinks behind me. I know this is Michelle because I can see the back of her head in the mirror. And Michelle turns around to look at me and the look on her face is like 'WTH?' because it's not actually Michelle. It's a Michelle look-alike.

A Michelle look-alike who clearly doesn't understand why I would be addressing her in a public restroom, or saying--OUT LOUD--'Ahh, I feel so much better' after having just used the public restroom in the hotel.

So I look down quickly because 'I'm sorry I thought you were someone else' never crossed my mind, wiped the sink off with my paper towel because that's what we do when we are horrified, and sped out of that bathroom at 5.5 MPH (that's really fast when you're wearing stiletto heels, FYI) to my waiting husband, who obviously didn't know that his wife just mistook a perfect stranger for Michelle, who, by the way, was no where to be seen. Which is why, he would tell me, martinis are not so innocent.

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The moral of the story is this: do not address strangers that are friend look-alikes in public restrooms. Please, please do not voice your satisfaction at having just emptied your too-full bladder.

And do not assume that martinis are innocent, cute little drinks in a cute little glass.

I'm sticking to water from now on.

2 comments:

  1. I honestly would not have thought it weird at all if a stranger had said that to me in a restroom after a long dinner. There are other things that we should not discuss in the bathroom, with friends or anyone, but I would not consider bladded relief that off limits. Don't be embarassed! Liz T.

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    1. Thanks, Liz...it does make me feel better to know that someone else understands! Thanks for reading!! :)

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