Tuesday, February 4, 2014

A great diet, Pottery Barn and waterproof eyeliner

Choose my instruction instead of silver,
knowledge rather than choice gold
{proverbs 8:10}

I used to think that having money (preferably lots of it) and being thin and beautiful would make me so very, very happy.

Used to. Who am I kidding? Even on a good day, I still think a great diet, waterproof eyeliner and Pottery Barn will solve all my problems.

There are days--actually just moments within days--that I realize it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter because I've walked through life with my eyes closed, bumping into life's furniture--which is haphazardly arranged, I might add, with no rhyme or reason*--until I'm bruised and weary from the effort of it all.

*So not the way I would do things. But whatever.

Life is like a maze to me. What I see and process is jumbled and mixed up and confusing, so I turn to what makes me comfortable. But life happens whether I chose to ignore it or not. That's when the bruising happens.

It has (sloooowly) dawned on me over time that I need wisdom. I desperately need understanding. I need knowledge. I'm not talking about the kind of knowledge that comes from advanced college courses. I'm talking about the kind of wisdom that comes from God. I need to open my eyes and face the life-maze with some knowledge.

So I thought, I'll ask for wisdom, and He'll give it to me. Simple. Then I can wipe my hands clean of the whole matter, because I'd done what I was supposed to, and move on. But in my heart, I know I'd probably move on to more PB.

 For the Lord gives wisdom;
from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.
{proverbs 2:6}

I can admit that in my life I've been a very prideful person. I even take pride in my blood pressure, resting heart rate, and cholesterol numbers.* But life has a way of humbling even the most prideful of hearts with circumstances that are out of our control, just within our sight but not within our grasp. I was (am), in fact, so prideful that I thought I could ask God for wisdom one time, and He'd give it to me for all of my days on this earth. Which means that I'd never actually have to rely on Him again for wisdom, because I'd already have everything I need to live a successful life. I'd have to need to confer with Him on a daily basis, or even seek out His will. I'd have 1) knowledge, 2) Pottery Barn, and 3) the perfect smokey eyeliner. I'd be all set.

*If you'd like to know, I'll tell you. With pride. Except for the cholesterol, I'm not very proud of that number at the moment.

I'm constantly coming to forks in the road. I look left and right, up and down, all around, and I come to the same conclusion: I have no idea which way to go. I'm lost.

And then I realize that asking for wisdom isn't a one-time deal. It's a step-by-step process, and it takes faith, courage, and a humbled heart.

I have in no way come close to figuring any of this life-maze out. Not in the least. But I guess it's not here solely for the purpose of me figuring it out. It's also here to help me grow and mature in my faith. Which I could obviously use some of.

 If any of you lacks wisdom,
you should ask God,
who gives generously to all without finding fault,
and it will be given to you
{james 1:5}

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