Thursday, March 6, 2014

my rock

We are experiencing a difficult season.

Difficult seasons seem to come in waves. You never know when to expect problems to arise, and I always seem to be a bit caught off guard when they do.

I guess the thing that bothers me the most about present difficulties is imagining what could arise in the future.

Last night, in yet another conversation with my daughter over some unfortunate choices she made, she was expressing frustration over the fact that I looked at her iPod.

"It's supposed to be private. It's my private life. It's my business."

So I told her that I would always be in her business, at least for a very long time. I'll always want to know where she's going, who's she's with, what she's doing, how long she'll be there, who else will be there. Every detail.

Yes. I'll be in your business, sweetie. It's my job right now.

To which she responded: "Well. I guess I won't be going to any parties in high school."

Not if I have anything to do with it.

Sometimes I feel like I can't do it. I don't have what it takes right now, nor do I possess what it is going to take to rein this child in, to keep her safe and protected, to help her make good choices when there are so many choices to make. It puts knots in my stomach and my soul until I feel like I can barely breath.

Truly my soul finds rest in God;
my salvation comes from him.
Truly he is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.

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