Tuesday, March 4, 2014

"Mom...hey, mom...mom....Mom!"

I looked at my daughter, sitting primly beside me on the church pew, doodling in pink all over the words "HOLY SPIRIT" on her bulletin.

"Hey, mom...can Avery come over today? Mom? Can she??"

She knows my weakness, and she was hoping that I wasn't paying close enough attention to her and that I might slip up and say yes. Always waiting for the slip-up, that one.

I was trying to pay attention to the service, not plan playdates for the afternoon, and clearly the "I'm ignoring you by not looking at you and not anwering you while you continue to ask me the same question over and over again" wasn't working, so I put her off with the first words I could think of. "I'll talk to daddy."

Biiiiiig sigh.

Then, not 2 minutes later, my son leans across his sister. "Mom! Mom! Hey, mom...can Avery and her brother come over today?"

It's hard to yell at a whisper while the preacher is talking.

I got up to receive communion, and when I sat down, they started again. Except this time, my daughter added, "I told daddy that you wanted to talk to him about Avery coming over and he gave me a mad look."  Insert pouty face. I looked down the pew at my husband, who mouthed the word "NO" at me.

Of course. She had gotten in trouble at school on Friday and obviously couldn't have a friend over to play. (Sorry, I misspoke. Tweens DO NOT play, they hang out.) Had she not asked me right in the middle of the church service, I probably wouldn't have had to put her off because I could have had a second to actually think.

They know. They know the precise moment to ask and get the answer they want, the little devils.

Yesterday, she wanted another friend to come over.

(She tends to talk in all caps when she's really excited or really wants something. Or when someone else is talking. Or any other time. She just talks in all caps all the time. Except at school. Then she can barely be heard, making me wonder if the child that gets off the bus and lives in my home is the same child that sits in the classroom all day.)

Is there anything more maddening?

See. They know. They watch and wait like a cat, then they jump out at you all crazy-like, hopping around, screeching and yelling like a banshee. They're like a cat-shee.

Have you seen the movie "The History of the World", where she's choosing an escort based on the size of the men's, um...{ahem}? Her song goes something like this:

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO...YES. NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO...

This is my new song. I'm just gonna make it easy on myself. I don't care what they ask me. It's no. No. No. No. No. NO.

And sometimes they might get a yes.

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