Monday, April 28, 2014

Baby Steps

This morning I am absolutely overwhelmed by anxiety.

This hasn't happened in a while, and when it does, I hate it. I just hate it. Life is too good to be anxious over it.

Yet, my mind is racing, thinking about how much I can do before I teach my first class, my meeting after my last class, something my husband said to me yesterday, our summer plans, the welfare of my kids, and will I, for heavens sake, remember all the steps I need to today? And dangit, now that I'm sitting down to write this post, I won't have time to put any make-up on this pale and pasty face of mine.

Life has a way of just happening, whether I choose to wring my hangs and worry over it or not. But I think somewhere, somehow, way back in the recesses of my brain, I've somehow equated worry with caring. If I don't fret about it, then I must not care that much. But what a misguided notion I've been following all these years. It is possible to care deeply and still choose to not be anxious. Easier said than done, I know.

Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow,
for tomorrow will worry about itself.
Each day has enough trouble of its own.
{Matthew 6:34}

I know it says clearly not to worry about tomorrow.

My mind goes there anyway.

This morning, I set my mind to only concern myself with the next step I need to take, and then the next, and then the next.  It's not that I don't need to plan for tomorrow, I just don't need to worry incessantly about it, and the plan for it, and the what-if-the-plan-doesn't-work-out,

Pray. Then step.
Pray. Then step.
Pray. Then step.

None of us were born knowing how to run.

Do not be anxious for anything, but in every situation, 
by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, 
present your requests to God.
{philippians 4:6}

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