Thursday, May 22, 2014

Love is a war

I think I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.

You know how you feel when everyone else is in a great mood and you feel like you're faking it.

It helped that my husband stayed behind a few extra minutes so we could catch up.

Yes. I said catch up. Because there are times in life when that's what you really need to do, even with your spouse. Catch up. Reintroduce yourselves to one another. Have a chat.

I asked my friend the other day if she remembers what she did BK. (Before Kids). Because it's kind of foggy for me. What we did with all of our time I can't even begin to explain to you. What I do know is this:

1) I got off of work at 5 and was home by 5:30.
2) I only had to work one Saturday a month and no Sundays.
3) I thought I had the busiest schedule on the planet.

Obviously, I was a tad self-centric (not the same as self-centered, according to urban dictionary, since a self-centric person isn't full of themselves. They just simply believe that the world revolves around him/her. And I wonder where my kids get it from), since I didn't stop to realize that there were clearly people who had much busier lives than I.

BK, my husband and I had plenty of time to get acquainted and stay acquainted. We did things together. We ate dinner together. We did yard work (blech)--together. We took walks together and talked about the kids we would have and how they would behave in a world where no one makes their kids behave and they would never cry in the grocery store, either.

AK (After Kids) I had to eat every single word I ever claimed. Judger becomes the Judgee. My kids threw fits in Kroger. They smelled up Target with their dirty diapers. And they talk back with their sassy mouths. In. Public. My husband and I quickly had to learn what it truly means to DIVIDE and CONQUER.

So we're divided.

We haven't gotten the conquering thing down quite yet.

The divided part is hard. I don't like it so much. Sometimes I look back to the days BK and think how nice it was to have a full, uninterrupted, non-coded conversation.

Sometimes, the division can become so large that when you turn around to find each other, it's like you're looking over the Grand Canyon. You might even squint and wave, hoping the person on the other side will recognize you. And you wonder to yourself how this ever happened.

It must be the kids fault. ;)

It's overwhelming, the responsibility of being married and raising a family. Sometimes I think it's asking for more than I can give. But these are choices I've taken an active role in being a part of, and giving up and giving in aren't part of the equation.

With every new day there comes a new start, and with every new start, there comes the promise of change. We can start to close that Grand Canyon gap by doing one thing that lets our spouse know that he or she is a priority.

Like holding hands in the car.

Like sending a "thinking of you" text.

Like giving a hug in the hallway instead of just passing by.

Like staying behind after the kids get on the bus for a few extra minutes.

Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does.
 Love is a battle, love is a war;
 love is a growing up.
{james a. baldwin}

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