Tuesday, August 19, 2014

She's Got Legs

I woke up Saturday morning, after a fitful night of unrest (I've been reading Dan Brown's book The Lost Symbol, and honestly, it is so freaky to me that it's been giving me nightmare-ish, crazy, bizarre dreams, plus I haven't been sleeping well in general at night, which I hate--if there's one thing I need in life, it's sleep. And lots of it) thoroughly disgusted and generally just PO'd about the veins that have been showing up in my otherwise pale and freckly legs lately. This isn't a new thing, for sure, so I don't know why Saturday was the day that I decided to be outraged by their presence, but I was. Honestly. I cannot stand in an upright position without those things making themselves known. And forget exercise. They blow up like balloons on the back of my leg (the right, just so you know).

Someone told me not to long ago that in order to really determine what your legs will look like when you're older, you should take a look at your grandma's legs.


That. Ain't. Pretty.

I may as well go buy myself some of those old people tight socks and kiss my youth goodbye. Along with any sort of sophistication or poise I thought I still had. Because tube socks worn to make my calves look like sausages will do that.

Second Skin Men's 15-20 mmHg Casual and Athletic Knee High Socks
Stop right now! That is just so sassy!
I looked down at my legs while I was walking on the treadmill (you know what I forgot? Headphones. Bad move right there, because exercising on treadmills and elliptical machines without music--or a TV, which this on had, but I couldn't hear--why? oh, yes--no headphones--is like working in the men's tie department of Belk on a Monday night. Or fishing.) and almost fell off (another bad move is looking anywhere but right in front of you while you're walking on a treadmill, especially if you're going 4.3 MPH), but before I almost fell off, I noticed my veins bulging in a most unalluring fashion and got mad all over again. And since I didn't have any music to listen to, and nothing to watch (well, that movie with Queen Latifah and Dolly Parton about singing in a choir was on BET but I couldn't hear it so what's the point?) and no one to talk to, I got out my tablet and started looking up recipes online.

It's hard to read a recipe blog and walk faster than a turtle on a treadmill with BET playing silently at eye level.

But after I almost fell off and before I started reading Oh She Glows, I made do with a few minutes of unbearable silence by complaining. To God. About my legs.

I've either got cojones or I'm stupid.

I'm going with the former.

I wish I could say that a beautiful verse came to mind, or I was immediately at peace after unloading my thoughts, but that wasn't the case this time. My heart wasn't willing to give up the fight, and it was sealed off from feeling any peace over my legs.

But a few days later, during my morning quiet time, I came across a devotional in Jesus Calling by Sarah Young that reminded me I need a big change in perspective.

It was all about having a thankful heart.

At first, I thought thankful heart, schmankful heart--who can be thankful over this?

But as I considered the turmoil I was feeling over my veins--my projections into the future, my assumptions that I could no longer be considered attractive--I realized that my heartitude was just vile. I wasn't being thankful for anything, only complaining about what I don't have--perfect, vein-free legs (I guess I'd be dead if they were free of veins, but you know what I mean).

I have lots to be thankful for.

I can walk.
I can teach classes.
I can run.
I can bend and stretch and lay down and stand up and sit down and kneel and squat and lunge.

And that's only with my legs.

Having a thankful heart can bring about a peace in life that is like no other, because it shifts my perspective from just myself to the world around me.

And for someone who tends to think only of herself, that's a huge shift.

A heart at peace gives life to the body, 
but envy rots the bones.
{proverbs 14:30}

Remembering to stay thankful--daily--is a challenge for this glass-half-empty girl, but the promise of peace is too big of a draw not to try.

I'm thankful for my legs.

Hey--it's a start.:)

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