Friday, January 2, 2015

Belfies

Happy 2015!!

I recently heard a new term, coined way back in 2014 (old news). Belfie. Belfie! Apparently, a belfie is a selflie of your rear. I didn't think that anyone actually took belfies until I saw the guy who was hosting the new years eve countdown take a belfie. On national tv. He also took his shirt off and started flexing his pecs, which was a little bit weird to me, because he was standing there in skinny gray dress slacks (I hate the word slacks, it's like something my grandma would wear, but anyway, what do you call business pants that a man wears? Dress pants? Anyways...) and his trendy dress shoes (which I found to be in good taste, but the good taste ended right there at his feet--well, I take that back, I didn't mind the skinny dress slacks, but men, you need to be on the extreme end of careful when you get up in the morning and say to yourself 'I'm choosing the skinny dress pant today', mkay?), and all of the sudden he just rips his fur-trimmed coat off (he should be in trouble with PETA for that--shame!) and starts dancing around taking belfies and making his man boobies shake like Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum. And he was shouting. It was, um, just a little strange to me.

No, it's not me!  It's Kim's belfie.
Anyways, I didn't worry about putting this in the post because you've probably all seen it.

You can have a verra verra nice body and totally ruin it by making your man boobies shake like Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum.

I'll not digress any further into clothes or looks or what I thought about Chrissy Teigen's ensemble. (A word to the wise, do not google Chrissy Teigen. It's for your own good, kay?)

And speaking of boobies and selfies, I also heard that it is a new-ish (okay, so I'm not all up and hip on what the teenagers are doing these days. I'm not a teenager. Sue me.) thing is for girls to take a selfie of their boobies (shall we term this a breastie?) but not their face--just their chest--and then send it to friends. Guy friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, I guess it doesn't matter who is on the receiving end of the breastie, (and my daughter wonders why I think her age group is too young for a smartphone) but I think it is even weirder to take a picture of your chest and send it around for other people to do what with? Enjoy? Maybe playing a matching game of Who's Chest Is It? And why do girls choose this route of communication? Because they think it's funny? Sexy? Cool? (Or they could be trying to pull a TLC and go all CrazySexyCool, but I'm not sure that I'd want to pull a TLC since they didn't end up so well in the end.)

I can say that if ANYONE (myself included) eva eva eva took a picture of my naked chest, I would have and would still die of humiliation.

But humiliation doesn't seem to apply to the younger generations. They are proud of their man boobies and their naked chests and their belfies and will show the world, come hell or high water.

But I have advice for you who take belfie's and breastie's, and I say it with malice and ill-intent and meaness: You. Will. Get. Old. And wrinkly. And you'll be considering spending big bucks on surgeries to try and reclaim your youth and all that will happen is what happened to Joan Rivers.

I've had so much plastic surgery, 
when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.
{joan rivers}

I'm sorry. That was bitter, wasn't it.

SO. Moving on.

TRENDING IN MY HOUSE: the Every Other Day Shower. Meaning, I've been off for two whole weeks, and my whole schedule has been thrown off. So I get to the end of the day and realize I haven't taken a shower yet, but I plan on taking one in the morning, so why waste my time this night?

Just think of it as my way of conserving water.

You're welcome.

Here's to a happy and healthy and fun (and clean/fresh if you want to be) new year! (And if you do fall into the crowd of belfie and breastie picture-takers, don't text your pictures to me. I was recently part of a group text that sent one picture--maybe two--and for every single response to the picture (every single one!!!!) even though there was no picture attached to that particular response, I got charged twenty-five cents. Okay, you say, a quarter. So what? But I unknowingly racked up $50 dollas worth of charges with Verizon because of picture texts, so I've been cut off from texting pictures to and from until further notice.)

See you next week!

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