Wednesday, January 7, 2015

New Boots

About a month ago, I decided that I, Heather, needed a new pair of boots. And not just any boots, no ma'am. I have decided that a pair of Frye riding boots must be in my very near future.

I know some of you are high-fiving me, and some of you are googling Frye riding boots right now. Be prepared to be awed.

I have spent a considerable amount of time looking at Frye boots online. I knew in my head exactly what I wanted, I just needed to find them. Thank you, Zappos. They are like a dream sequence in a romance movie. I bet they'd feel like I'm walking on a cloud every single day. And I would wear them every single day. Duh.

I can hear my husband on my shoulder, dressed in white, playing a harp, golden halo over his sweet dark head of hair, asking me what in the world is wrong with the pair of boots that I already own, that I just wore yesterday, that will sit in my closet unused for the rest of their days? Why can't I just be satisfied with those?

Two words, Angel. Poly. Uppers.

Now, I am not a clothes snob. I buy cheap clothes and wear them proudly. I use coupons and take discounts and have a bunch of clothes in my closet as a result. It doesn't bother me to buy cheap and wear cheap, or to shop at second-hand stores and Goodwill (FYI, just found a cute white button down from Banana Republic at Goodwill for $3, so don't completely dismiss it), because then when I get tired of my clothes, I can with good conscience get rid of them. I also have historically always chosen cheap shoes (think Payless), resulting in poly uppers and sore feet. So obviously the price I'd pay one pair of Frye boots seems excessive.

But they're Frye's. That's the devil on my shoulder. He has a pair and is dangling them in front of my poly-loving eyes. Besides. Free shipping should count for something.

Honestly, I don't have the money to buy a pair of Frye boots, even if they ARE ON SALE AT AMAZON! (Plus free shipping. Come on!) I make roughly $20 for every class I teach, and so I'd have to teach, oh, 15 classes to even consider buying them. Which would take me about three weeks to do. Take out SS tax, etc, and I'm looking at working my tail off for a month to afford Frye boots.

Are you crazy? (That's the angel/husband. He's screaming.)

But you know you want them...(I think you know who that is.)

And just when I'm ready to defy all logic and caring and the husband dressed as an angel on my shoulder, just when I'm ready to press COMPLETE YOUR AWESOME ORDER, just when I'm ready to give in to my leather lust and to the fact that I just want what I want, unwelcome thoughts enter into my head.

I try to shut them down. Go away, I am not available at this time, please try back after I have bought my beautiful new pair of boots that I worked my tail off (literally) to buy.

Why, exactly, do you think you deserve a pair of pricey leather boots? Like Frye boots are something you are entitled to.

I'll not repeat my response to my own rogue thought, because it's not suitable language for a lady to repeat.

And then I see the faces of the children at church that are still available for sponsorship through Compassion International, and I hear the stories about unclean water and houses made out of cardboard and dirt streets and naked children and inadequate medical care and starving people and it is in stark contrast to my full freezer, my overflowing closet of cheap but trendy clothes, my hardwood floors and the fact that I'm just not satisfied with any of it.  I always want more. And the fact that I don't always recognize my own greed as greed, but simply as "it's just a new pair of boots that I worked hard for", might be a problem.

Okay, you say, you work, you spend your money how you see fit. And there's nothing wrong with a new pair of boots.

I get that. Because that's what I do.

The issue for me is where my heart is. What's keeping me up at night. Where I'm storing my treasures and why. Because "where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

The truth is, as much as I'd like not to, I confess that I put too much emphasis on material possessions because I believe that they--those things--will make me deliriously happy. And at a time in my life where I am more unsure of everything than I am sure of any one thing, I do know this: I want new boots because new boots will make me happy when I wear them.

How happy and for how long are up for debate.

So is a boot purchase in my future? Maybe. I'm not against new boots. But there is an order to things, and my order probably should go something like this:

1. Get your heart right with God.
2. Then consider new boots.

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