Wednesday, March 4, 2015


I've had a mildly anxious morning trying to determine where and when I will work out.


This is what causes me anxiety.

Not working, because I happen to be one of the few lucky ones that actually loves her job, as it is part-time and easy to love.

A line from one of my new favorite songs keeps running through my head:

Just be a tough act to follow
You know, a free spirit
With a wild heart.
{miguel, simple things}

And I have to ask myself how someone who is wrapped up with anxiety over working out, of all things, can truly have a free spirit? I like the sound of a free spirit, with a wild heart, and in my dreams, I am that person (when I'm not dreaming about violence, blood, guts and gore--seriously, I have nightmares a lot, and they are always crazy violent and bloody. I cannot explain this, but it freaks me out), but in my real life, I am anything but.

A free spirit with a wild heart who couldn't think of anything to write about this morning, so she started texting with her friend, who was wasting time at the dentist office. Her dentist was running 40 minutes behind. 40 minutes. I told her nobody got time to sit and look at trashy magazines and wait 40 minutes. But what is a person to do besides wait on the dentist, who certainly has a very good, possibly exciting and dramatic reason for running 40 minutes behind. She finally got called back.


So I went to the gym.

It occurred to me while I was climbing all 274 floors of the same small escalator in the back of the gym that Hoda and Kathie Lee play more ads than they have talk time, the same female commentator (Kara? Kristen? Kendra? Help me--short hair, lots of makeup, basketball) talked for an hour-plus about basketball (how she did this I can not fully appreciate, but she was pretty animated about it, and she may have gone on all morning), and every other morning program aired during the 10:00 hour is mindless. Twelve televisions shouting with their all-caps closed captioning and a very loud, sped-up version of Taylor Swift all playing a bunch of mindless BS.

Meaningless! Meaningless! 
Utterly meaningless!
Everything is meaningless!
{ecclesiastes 1}

Then the 700 Club came on, and I had to go.

Rose bushes need trimming, windows need washing, laundry needs doing, and who watches the 700 Club anyway? Name one person and I'll give you a hundred dollars. (I won't actually give you a hundred dollars, this would simply be for bragging rights, and no, the one person can't be you.) Anyway, as I was trimming the blasted thorny rose bushes, I talked with my neighbor for about seven minutes and I realized that this--yes, this--was the first time since my children walked out the door at 7:18 this morning that I have opened my mouth to speak to another human being. 12:42PM.

Sometimes, however, I speak out loud to myself. "this coffee is good" and "oh, I didn't mean to do that" and "$#&*^% Heather, get a grip". Have mercy. I need a friend. Or a therapist.

Hoda and Kathie Lee's guest (the editor from Self magazine) recommends that that you replace your coffee with lemon water because "all the celebrities are doing it" and "it tastes amazing", which are two of most ridiculous reasons to do something that I have ever heard. Celebrities also do drugs and name their kids Dweezil and Diva and get married and divorced in a matter of hours, and lemon plus water tastes okay but it is not "amazing". Amazing is a full-on pina coloda. Amazing is a Double Fudge Turtle Pecan Cluster blizzard. Lemon water has a very long way to go before it gets to change it's status to AMAZING.

Yet here I sit with water and lemon because if Candace Swanepoel does it, I will, too.

Image result for candice swanepoel
I bet she drinks coffee, too.

I hope she does not name her child Albertopolis.

The day is almost over and I've accomplished only a bit of what I intended, but my boy's compression shorts are clean, and folks, this is a very big deal, since Febreeze does not guarantee a positive lasting impression.

Listen. Sometimes a light, mindless post that goes along with all the other mindless things that have been noted in a day is okay. Not every day needs to be heavy and thoughtful and figured out.

Besides, I got to start my day seeing this, which makes the entire rest of the day worth it.

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