Monday, June 22, 2015


I don't like to think of myself as an aggressive driver. I like to think of myself as a driver who has some sense about herself when she is on the road, and the simple fact of the matter is that sometimes, I feel like the only driver who has any sense about herself when she is on the road. A prime example is Blue Toyota Four-Runner, weaving onto the shoulder (lucky there was one) every 20 feet yesterday. Before we passed, we came up with some theories:

1) she's drunk
2) she's on the phone
3) she's texting

I wish I had gotten a picture of that woman, phone directly in front of her face, texting with one hand while attempting some sort of navigation with the other. Could she even see the road? I was doubtful. It was comforting when she suddenly got behind our car and then onto the interstate. It made me feel good about people and life.

It was because of this (and the MKB realtor that chooses a busy intersection to PARK HIS CAR--but no worries, he must think, because he has his emergency flashers on--in the turn lane so that the ones who are turning must then pull out into traffic to get around him...all so he can put out his "OPEN HOUSE" sign complete with friendly and colorful flags and banners. He apparently does not feel he should be required to park in the nearby parking lot and walk to the corner, no, he must park ON THE ROAD, RIGHT BESIDE HIS DESTINATION and cause much frustration. So. Annoying.)

I am typically a rule-follower. The sign at church says NO COFFEE IN THE SANCTUARY, so I don't take coffee in the sanctuary. When the teacher said NO TALKING IN LINE, I would immediately zip it, lock it, and put it in my pocket. Seriously. Motions and all. It's not that I am always so good, I am just afraid of getting in trouble. I always have been. I don't like being singled out, whether it's on the side of the road while I'm getting a ticket or being asked to take my coffee outside. (Would that even ever happen? I couldn't bear to be the one to find out, I'd be so embarrassed.) I did embrace a short, single-minded stint of "I am so independent I can do whatever I want so who cares and all y'all can just deal" in my youth but quickly recognized it as not me and am currently embracing the real me-- annoying rule follower and all. (I have also not ever been known as a tattletale--see being singled out, above--but will complain when I think things are dangerous. Or super-annoying. Sooooooo, MKB, I'm looking at you.)

Because I had to get it off my chest, I made up a list of Drivers I Dislike. (Because hate is such a strong word, really.)

1) texters
2) left-lane hogs
     a) those who stay in the left lane because they are turning left 20 miles up the road
     b) those who stay in the left lane because they somehow think the left lane is better??
     c) those who stay in the left lane because they are stubborn SOBs and want to control the road
     d) those who stay in the left lane because they are completely and totally clueless. No idea.                      NONE.
3) talkers who can't look out at the road and who can't keep their hands on the wheel. This applies to       cell phone talkers AND talkers who are actually talking to someone in their car.
4) the speeder-upper/slower-downer (I made that up). This is the person who speeds up when you try     to pass then slows down because you won't go 100 MPH just to pass.
5) the "I have no clue what the speed limit is so I'll go 25" driver. This happens when it feels like you are flying past people (and you are also having to drive in the right lane--see #2) so you look down at your speedometer to make sure you aren't breaking the sound barrier only to find out that you are, in fact, going 45 miles per hour, the posted speed limit, and as it happens, 20 MPH faster than every other person on the road.
6) the tailgater, because fast just isn't fast enough (I am a reformed tailgater, actually, so I know that       sometimes it's sheer frustration--see #2c/d--but sometimes it's just being distracted)
7) distracted drivers who are texting and eating while serving milk and cookies to 15 kids in the back     of their minivan. Enough.
8) drivers who cut you off just because their car happens to fit in the tiny space between you and the       car in front of you
9) the "I see you've parked 8 miles away from the store in the back of the parking lot so the space           next to you looks like a good place for me to park, too" parker. Seriously?
10) the "I have no spacial awareness and will park so close to you that now you cannot get into your         car" parker. (I've left notes. They go something like NEXT TIME DON'T PARK SO CLOSE.)
11) update: on my way home from class today I passed by a man in a Jeep and that man was vigorously brushing his teeth. I will now lump all teeth-brushers, shavers, and maker-up putter-oners in one shameful category. Do it at home, mkay?

Am I biased? Obviously. Am I right? Not all the time. Am I mean? Maybe. But I bet you can relate to at least on or two of these, am I right?

Smart driving equals safer driving. Maybe you could argue against that, but I'm not sure how. (I know one person who could easily come up with an argument for that because he is a superb debater. I'm interested to hear your side.)

Rules are everywhere. My daughter says she can't wait to be an adult because adults can make their own rules. (Have you met this thing called government yet?) I happen to be one who feels more comfortable living by rules because it makes my life better.

I think God knew I would need structure and discipline in my life. Enter the Bible, the Ultimate Rulebook. Not to be dreaded, but embraced for safer, more secure living. Better living.

Think about it.

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