Tuesday, November 17, 2015

We Were On A Break

You know, sometimes life just calls for a break. So I'm taking one. Let's just call it an extended break. I might get to writing over the next month, and if I do, you'll be the absolute first to know about it. But I know that I, like you, am going to be busy with all the family things and the Christmas things and the holiday things and maybe you'll appreciate the break more than I will. I'm going to miss journaling here, with you, but January will be here before we know it and we'll be off again. Until, sweet friends, have a safe and happy holiday season.

Much love,
H

Monday, November 9, 2015

Quirky

I am a quirky girl. Taken separately, I don't see all my quirks and idiosyncrasies as a big deal (but really, who does?). Put together in a single person, the fact that I MUST have a pretty linen closet (and will sacrifice all logic and practicality to get there), am easily over-stimulated by noise and lights, am offended over cake mixes, and turn into a merciless Miss Manners when people do not RSVP may be too much for the community. (I want friends, I really do, and a robust enthusiasm for thank yous, RSVP's and clean eating may not be the best way to group date.)

Last night, discouragement and disappointment got the best of me, and I fell into my own ocean of despair. Waves of disappointment washed over me as I talked with my sister, hashing out the last couple of weeks. Comments, situations, groups and arguments all got a separate spotlight. We even talked about Instagram, which sometimes just about does me in when I'm in a state of true despondency. My behind-the-scenes can be so depressing compared to the highlight reels of others.

Some things in life are life-giving (Sunday morning bible study), and some things in life are life-draining (Insta for me), and those life-draining black holes have got to go.

In her book For the Love, Jen Hatmaker likens it to walking on a beam: sometimes things just have to get thrown off.

"You have permission to examine all the tricks and decide what should stay. What parts do you love? What are you good at? What brings you life? What has to stay during this season? Don't look sideways for these answers. Don't transplant someone else's keepers onto your beam. I could cook for days, but this does not mean you want to. Classroom Mom for me would mean a nervous breakdown; it might be the highlight of your year. You do you here. There are only twenty-four hours in a day.

We need to quit trying to be awesome and instead be wise.

Decide which parts are draining you dry. What do you dread? What are you doing for all the wrong reasons? Which parts are for approval? Is there anything you could delegate or hand off? Could you sacrifice a Good for a Best? Throw out every should or should not and make ruthless cuts. Go ahead. Your beam is too crowded. I know it." {jen hatmaker}


Some parts have to stay, but some parts I get to decide I'm done with. Even though they are good, positive things, they can still be life-draining and crowding the beam. And who can walk on that? I can't. You probably can't. Yet even those don't stop me from trying. And comparing. And being sad when it doesn't seem like I measure up.

Those ruthless cuts will be hard to make. Analyzing the things that are making me feel things like envy, discontent, frustration, resentment or animosity aren't worth keeping. Which means I had to stop following some people on Instagram. And considering the shoulds and should-nots with every situation. I have to say no when I mean no and yes when I mean yes. And sometimes I'm saying no to perfectly good, fun things.

I tend to take things personally. It's just another one of my quirks. Comments that might mean nothing to you might cause me to be in tears; a neglected text or email or invitation might make me reconsider who I am as a person. I can't blame the other person; usually the motives and intentions of others isn't to hurt, but sometimes it can feel that way. This is life-draining for me. It leaves me in a bad place of hurt and sad, but it is also my choice to react this way. Taking Things Personally, I have got to find a way to kick you off the beam.

There is a life out there, waiting to be lived, and now I get to reach up and grab it. Choosing life-giving over life-draining is a daily, mediocre thing, but it can be life-changing. 

Last night just wasn't my night. That happens. But today can totally be my day.

Sunday, November 8, 2015

Tomorrow

You know what? It's been a week. I've missed you. Let's talk tomorrow :)